Separation Anxiety

I have been thinking about this after reading MoonDaughters post about her daughter's difficulties being left at pre-school.

Separation anxiety is completely normal in young children, but that doesn't make it any easier to cope with. Children under 5 have a very limited understanding of time. 'Now' and 'later' they understand. 'In 5 minutes' or 'in an hour' is much harder for little people to grasp. To a small child 'later' could be an unbearably long time away.

Children feel secure when they can predict the world around them - routine, routine, routine, the parenting books will tell you. So as both parents and pagans one of the things that can be helpful in this distressing situation is for your child and yourself to devise a little parting ritual. This little routine of letting go each time you drop your child off at pre-school (or any time you have to leave them!) will give your child a constant to cling on to. In it's simplest form this is something we do all the time anyway - the hug and kiss before we leave. But for a child suffering from separation anxiety something with a little bit more is going to be needed. You might write a little loving rhyme for you and your little one to say together - remember that to start with nothing is going to stop your child from being upset when you leave so you will probably start off by saying your little rhyme by yourself. The most important part of any little ritual you devise for saying goodbye in my opinion will be to leave something of yourself with your child. How complex all of this is will depend upon your child. My suggestion to MoonDaughter was that she start wearing a neck scarf or similar that her daughter can begin to associate with her. The idea is that this then comes to represent 'mummy' to the child. When you must leave your child part of your goodbye ritual would be to give this item to your child. You leave a little part of yourself with them - once you return you should take the item back as it is important that it remains yours and not your child's or it loses its importance.
For a child who is used to a little bit of ritual already you could maybe take this one step further. Air drying clay is a fabulous thing, easy and inexpensive to get hold off. If you think it is something your child is likely to enjoy and respond to you might use some air drying clay to make matching necklaces for you and your child. To add ceremony and significance you might push a small lock of hair inside the necklace and your child has a very real piece of you to keep with them. Make a small hole in your necklaces and when they dry thread them onto ribbon etc. When you come to your goodbye ritual with your child you can exchange necklaces for the duration of your time away.
Talk about this little routine really well before hand. Let them know what to expect. Lots of children respond really well to little goodbye rituals - even a secret handshake can become a really special interaction between you and your child.

Some books that you can read with your children to help them understand and express what they are feeling are: The Goodbye Book by Judith Viorst, The Kissing Hand by Audry Penn, and Mama Always Comes Home by Karma Wilson (and lots more besides I'm sure!) As ever stories are a great way for kids to work through tricky situations.

Good luck to all the mummies, daddies and children going through this difficult stage of growing up.